Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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