Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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