Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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