i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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