Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
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Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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