3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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