Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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