When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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