That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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