I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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