My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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