It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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