Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize