It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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