I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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