she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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