I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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