I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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