This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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