from now on my penis is your penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops high fived after they tackled you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize