I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize