When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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