and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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