we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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