I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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