I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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