The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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