Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
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I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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