I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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