I'm eating all of the evidence.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize