i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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