i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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