They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
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So much rum. So many feels.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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