chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Congratulations! We have a period
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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