this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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