My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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