I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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