i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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