The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize