She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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