everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I just sharted jello shots
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