His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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