I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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