You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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