You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize