I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize