sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
