i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
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How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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