never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize