why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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